Anonymous asked: Thank you for posting your testimony, it really spoke to me. I have been struggling with some of the things that you have struggled with. School grades to me are so important, and sometimes I feel that if I am not the first best, everything else isn't worth it. But just to see how through it all, you chose to depend on God is moving.
Thank You Anon :) haha i didn’t go into so much detail—-but there were SO MANY INSTANCE where I became too focused on being number 1, depending on my own strength.. and then eventually finding myself burning out. I guess my ulcer shall be a constant reminder hehe :))
But now that I’m working, I realized that everything i worked so hard for in school doesn’t really matter that much. It doesn’t matter so much that i graduated high school and college with honors. So there’s no point to kill ourselves over it :) Just do our best because we do it for God :)
This perspective helped me a lot. Before i was more focused on getting the grade than pleasing God that cheating actually was an option. Before I didn’t agree with the statement “better a low score done in honesty that a perfect score done cheating” haha getting low grades was depressing. One time in high school, i got a 4/30 in a quiz, JUST A QUIZ, and i began slamming my head on the table cause of frustration. If i didn’t get the desired grade i would physically abuse myself…. this really showed what my idolatry was—-my grades. I was too focused on what I wanted to achieve for myself that I failed to see Him who was willing to help me if I only turned to Him rather than cheating and self-abuse.
In 2nd year HS i cheated. In 3rd year I hurt myself. In 4th year I began to come to my senses. It wasn’t something i woke up one morning and decided to do. God used circumstances to teach me a lesson :) disciplining me so that I would realize and reset my priorities hehe.
BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL AND GRACIOUS—-because when i look back at it, I thank Him and Him alone for managing to pull me towards Him when I was so full of myself. :)